I went out of town this weekend to visit a friend and ended up meeting some of his friends and having an insanely fun time. I struck up a sense of camaraderie with one friend in particular, Tim. We share a lot of similar life experiences as well as life philosophies. I can’t just identify one thing that impressed me most although he is the most aware, considerate and mature man I have met in a long time. Man, not guy.
The first night we met turned into a long night of jokes, sarcasm, stories, bar hopping and even living room hopping toward the end of the night. Tim and I were the last two of the bunch awake and talked late into the morning. Our conversation became pretty deep as we asked about the other’s divorce and other personal questions. There was a significant awkward moment and I pretty much disconnected afterward. I’m pretty good at disconnecting – pretending something doesn’t matter or doesn’t hurt. This is where Tim really stepped up.
Although he pressed me with questions I still didn’t understand his original intent. To be honest, I thought he was a “man whore” as referenced in a joke earlier in the night. I knew we would see each other the following evening and had decided to act as though nothing had transpired between us. It wasn’t until the next evening I learned I misjudged both him and his intent.
The next evening, my friend had another obligation and suggested Tim and I hang out until he could reconnect with us. I was thinking of ways to pass up this option until my friend relayed a direct invite from Tim. I’m not 100% sure why I agreed to spend time with Tim, but I did. It was a great decision!
My friend dropped me off at Tim’s house and within minutes of arriving, Tim brought up our awkward moment. I immediately wanted to run and avoid the whole conversation. The door was only slightly to my left and though I would look like a raving lunatic running was a tempting thought. As Tim continued with his clarification, I remained stunned; frozen, actually. The description given to my expression was “deer in headlights”. I think it is an accurate description. (Actually, an armadillo might be more accurate because I just wanted to pretend to be invisible or dead.)
Tim was so sincere and considerate in his talk. After my panic subsided it was heart-warming and even comforting. This is the moment where I realized how greatly I misunderstood his intention and even him as a person. Thankfully, he was mature enough to address this head-on otherwise we may not have continued talking. We ended up spending the next hour or so inquiring about one another and sharing life stories. There was an ease and naturalness to our conversation combined with lots of laughs.
We talked a bit that evening while our mutual friend was passed out on the couch, but were both a bit cautious not to push things too far too soon. It was bittersweet saying goodbye although I knew we would see each other for breakfast. Our breakfast goodbye was our last for the weekend.
I characterized our meeting to another friend as the most honest and self-revealing I have experienced. It’s scary in many ways as it creates vulnerabilities I am not 100% comfortable with, but I see the strength it can provide to a budding relationship.
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