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Archive for August, 2009

My cynicism is building. I am beginning to think online dating is a role-playing game rather than a sincere effort to meet someone significant. I’ve already written about married men with online profiles and perhaps even a prison inmate. Here’s another example where the profile and the email exchange just don’t match. Granted the grammar wasn’t the greatest in his profile, but the email is horrible! You would think a “marine engineer” could correctly spell his profession.

Do women really fall for this? The guy is way over the top. He sent a very short message to me saying I was beautiful and would like to get to know me. I replied thanking him for the compliment and asking a few questions about him. That’s when I received the email pasted below – I included all the typos, but did remove names and his email address.

Profile:

Am Am <name removed>, a single father with 2 kids. Am easy going man with kind heart. I like going to the beach, playing golf, talking a walk, cuddling on the couch with the one I love … I am looking for someone that completes me and I complete them. Someone that I can laugh with, cry with, someone that treats me as well as I treat them. Someone that doesn’t want to change me or try to control me.

Email:

Hi.
How are you doing today, I am happy to get a response from you, Thanks for your comments, I am so happy to be communicating with you. I want us to have good communications so we can get to know eachother. i will be so happy to have a lovely woman like you.
I am <name removed>, i am marine engeneer,i work with <company name removed> as sub-contractor . I am widowed, i have a lovely son and daughter,<name removed> is 17yrs while <name removed> is 15yrs, i am looking forward to be together so that we can start our life together, I will be expecting the day we going to be together and start our life together as one if things works out for us. I want us to start and have good communication between us, we can chat with yahoo messenger and also talk on phone for easy communication and understanding. Pls kindly get back with you yahoo i d so we can chat and get to know each other better am <email address removed>
Have a nice day,
<name removed>

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I have had and continue to have “interesting” dating experiences including married men with online dating profiles.

I have had two experiences where I was emailing back and forth with a guy only to have their wife discover their profile and email me advising they were married. These men never said they were married or else I would have never pursued getting to know more about them. Interestingly, the wives appeared madder at me than they were at their husbands. (Of course I don’t know what the wives said to their husbands or how they reacted at home.)

One wife emailed me through her husband’s email telling me she knows what I am up to and the game I am playing. Given I didn’t know he was married there was no game and there was no master plan on my part. The kicker though was when the guy emailed me after his wife asking why I told her we were talking and planning to meet. (Yep, he did.) I was stunned by his email and did reply saying I didn’t know he was married so how would I know who his wife was or how to contact her? He replied back apologizing and saying he got caught up in his “wife’s lies and she broke into his email”. He continued in saying his wife was unstable and their marriage is empty … he needs companionship and someone who understands him. (I think this is where a therapist would fit in nicely!) The shocker was when he asked if I would still like to meet in person!

We never meet in person. He sent a few more emails to me but I never responded. Why would I want to meet a guy who lies and manipulates – not just to his wife, but apparently everyone? Perhaps his marriage was empty, but his approach to the situation was to blame everyone else rather than stand up and take responsibility. Cheating is not something I neither condone nor want to be a party to. I do know there are online dating sites geared toward affairs and random hook-ups. (Isn’t that why Craigslist is still around?)

I also met a guy through an online dating site who did tell me he was married after a handful of email exchanges. According to this guy, he had “permission to play”. Hmmm … wonder what exactly his permission note said? Wonder how many people fall for that line?

    “Hi, my name is Jane and I give permission or my permission for John to have an affair. Consider this permission for him to play. Any questions can be directed to John.”

 

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My Dating Tornado adventures continue. I’ve been dating one guy for a few months and recently realized he acts like a 13-15-year old boy much of the time. I don’t mind a youthful spirit or a strong sense of humor but there’s a definite difference between these and immaturity – or better yet, social unawareness.

Let me first say this guy is overall a nice guy. I think he hasn’t had much experience with women long-term and/or has dated immature girls. If out on the lake, he is the guy who pushes people in, cannon balls into the water splashing everyone or super-soaks everyone in or out of the water. This past weekend, he crossed a familiarity boundary I guess and began burping aloud. He also likes to laugh like the Crank Yanker’s “yeah” puppet. He has a giant ego, but I think he is faking it much of the time.

Much of what he does is for attention of some sorts and up until recently I’ve been patient or understanding of this. This leads one to wonder what has changed. Nothing has changed and that is what led to this realization.

Here’s the problem … I am not 100% sure I am not judging him too harshly. One side of me thinks I have already flexed to the point of not flexing any more, but then he does something incredibly nice. (What can I say, I’m a closet romantic … and/or very naive.)

I’m going to give it some more time and see how I feel. I am leaning towards a non-romantic friendship, but we’ll see.

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My last post referred to imposters and my belief one “online” guys was in fact a phony or prison inmate. (Not to offend anyone, I hear there are many innocent people in jail. I know I don’t want to deal with that drama.) My belief this guy is full of it is pretty solid.

He has horrible grammar and spelling. Really bad. It isn’t that he is just typing in a casual tone or small typos either. He spells ‘Honey” almost phonetically … “hunnie”. “Baby” is “babie” or “babi”. (Seriously? And you say you write and pitch proposals for work.) I’m not a big fan of these references to begin with and it’s much more odd when a stranger is using them.

Here’s another red flag scenario … he will claim offense and hurt feelings randomly claiming he is a nice guy and doesn’t deserve to be judged because of others. I agree, but asking you how your pitch went when you talked about how important it was doesn’t seem to be offensive in any way. He’s very good at manipulation techniques – and if I didn’t grow up in a manipulative family, and not too long ago denounce such behaviors, I wouldn’t even pick up on it.

It’s also funny how he asks when we can meet but then suddenly has an “emergency” he needs to take care of every time details are almost set. He’s asked me to email him places and times, but then doesn’t respond.

I have spent way too much time validating what my instincts already told me … this guy is either very weird and unstable (lives in his mother’s basement), a con-man or an inmate. I don’t feel the need to become a statistic while doubting my intuition.

Adios!

p.s. I am so very thankful for email rules and the ability to block people from IM-ing you.

 

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