Archive for January, 2010

I went out of town this weekend to visit a friend and ended up meeting some of his friends and having an insanely fun time. I struck up a sense of camaraderie with one friend in particular, Tim. We share a lot of similar life experiences as well as life philosophies. I can’t just identify one thing that impressed me most although he is the most aware, considerate and mature man I have met in a long time. Man, not guy.

The first night we met turned into a long night of jokes, sarcasm, stories, bar hopping and even living room hopping toward the end of the night. Tim and I were the last two of the bunch awake and talked late into the morning. Our conversation became pretty deep as we asked about the other’s divorce and other personal questions. There was a significant awkward moment and I pretty much disconnected afterward. I’m pretty good at disconnecting – pretending something doesn’t matter or doesn’t hurt. This is where Tim really stepped up.

Although he pressed me with questions I still didn’t understand his original intent. To be honest, I thought he was a “man whore” as referenced in a joke earlier in the night. I knew we would see each other the following evening and had decided to act as though nothing had transpired between us. It wasn’t until the next evening I learned I misjudged both him and his intent.

The next evening, my friend had another obligation and suggested Tim and I hang out until he could reconnect with us. I was thinking of ways to pass up this option until my friend relayed a direct invite from Tim. I’m not 100% sure why I agreed to spend time with Tim, but I did. It was a great decision!
My friend dropped me off at Tim’s house and within minutes of arriving, Tim brought up our awkward moment. I immediately wanted to run and avoid the whole conversation. The door was only slightly to my left and though I would look like a raving lunatic running was a tempting thought. As Tim continued with his clarification, I remained stunned; frozen, actually. The description given to my expression was “deer in headlights”. I think it is an accurate description. (Actually, an armadillo might be more accurate because I just wanted to pretend to be invisible or dead.)

Tim was so sincere and considerate in his talk. After my panic subsided it was heart-warming and even comforting. This is the moment where I realized how greatly I misunderstood his intention and even him as a person. Thankfully, he was mature enough to address this head-on otherwise we may not have continued talking. We ended up spending the next hour or so inquiring about one another and sharing life stories. There was an ease and naturalness to our conversation combined with lots of laughs.

We talked a bit that evening while our mutual friend was passed out on the couch, but were both a bit cautious not to push things too far too soon. It was bittersweet saying goodbye although I knew we would see each other for breakfast. Our breakfast goodbye was our last for the weekend.

I characterized our meeting to another friend as the most honest and self-revealing I have experienced. It’s scary in many ways as it creates vulnerabilities I am not 100% comfortable with, but I see the strength it can provide to a budding relationship.

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I’ve exchanges emails with this guy, but we haven’t made any firm plans to meet. He’s expressed interest, but to be real … if he or I were really interested in one another we would have set plans to see each other again.

Also, I don’t think I am an emotionally needy woman requiring a guy to reach out to me all the time, but I do like a sense of stable connection. Email is fine, but I also like talking with the person. We aren’t making this effort either.

The easy conclusion is we both are not interested in a romantic relationship. There may be friendship potential only time will tell.

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I went out to a social networking event the other weekend. I ended up meeting a few people but spent most of the evening talking with one man. We work for the same company, but in different divisions on different campuses and have a lot in common. He isn’t my typical “physical type,” and I think there is more of a platonic potential. We got along very well – a good sign!

The following afternoon we exchanged bantering texts and threw out the idea of dinner and/or a movie later that night. I ended up heading over to his house; he ordered Chinese and I brought over some movies. Although we started playing the movie we didn’t follow it. Instead, we spent the evening talking and joking about everything and nothing.

It’s no secret my dating radar is broken. Not sure if it is permanently broken or just on the fritz, but I always talk myself out of thinking people are romantically interested in me. So I’m not sure if this man is interested in me romantically or not. There were a few times when we were sitting on the couch talking where he reach out and touched my shoulder or knee. I’ve been told this is a sign someone is interested in you, but I argue that there are similar friendship gestures. (At least he didn’t do the knuckle tap!) I’m not sure if I am romantically interested in him and am probably sending him mixed signals. He did ask a lot of questions about my interests though and talked about getting together again.

At the end of the evening he asked about my schedule and when I was free to do something. My schedule is pretty busy right now and so it was hard to find time this week. He said he would call me later in the week and we would figure something out. I gave him a hug as I left and he gave me a kiss on the cheek as he was hugging me good-bye.

So, was it a date? In a black and white world, yes, it was a date. I’m not sure it felt like a date; sometimes it did and sometimes it didn’t.

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Dating is full of passive aggressive behaviors. I’ll admit to allowing communication to dwindle rather than say I am not interested in a person. I’ve also noticed I tend to be less interested in a person if I email them rather than try to set up time to meet. Again, I don’t always come out and say I am not feeling an attraction or interest.

With the above in mind I began thinking about my recent “good date guy”. It might not have been a mutual good date.

At the end of our date I said I really enjoyed myself, but didn’t feel like I expressed a desire to go out again. He said he greatly enjoyed my company and conversation. (Hmmm … ok, not exactly a response that knocked my socks off.)

A few days later there was a similar exchange in email and he asked about my upcoming schedule. Unfortunately, our schedules didn’t align. He had friends coming into town and then was traveling the next week. I was booked the current week and then heading out of town the weekend he returned. He then emailed “perhaps we can see a movie or do something after that if you are game? In the meantime drop me a line here and there and let me know how your week is going.”

My approach is to take everything in stride. If there is genuine interest we will invest effort into seeing each other again. I am uncertain of his actual interest level, but I can’t change what others are attracted to.

For now I will just appreciate having had a nice and fun date with a sane man.

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Dating is most definitely an interesting adventure. In my case it often feels like a tornado – Tornado Dating!

Up to this point I haven’t had many second dates and in the instances where I have dates, in hindsight, I shouldn’t have. I don’t always trust my judgment or instincts and the below post highlights this lack of trust.

I’ve been emailing with an online match for several months. We had plans early on to meet, but for some reason postponed. Then our emails became sporadic until around Christmas. We then began discussing plans to meet. I wasn’t excited about meeting and even came close to rescheduling or canceling. I’m glad I didn’t.

For the first time in a very long time I am intrigued an truly interested in a man both physically and mentally.

We met for dinner and discover a wait of almost an hour before a table would be available. Our conversation was easy, fun and interesting, and our wait passed quickly. We talked about our various travel adventures, embarrassing moments and even work.

Ahhh … As I am writing this I can tell I am recalling the date with the enthusiasm of a school-girl crush. I’m ignoring his voice and my first thought it wasn’t deep enough. What I recall instead is the wonderful personality, energy and smile this man has.

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I’m behind on blog posts and dating stories, and apologize for the delay in posting this first meeting story. I still laugh when I recall the encounter; hope you do too.

I met an online match in-person for and early happy hour on New Year’s Eve. I can’t complain his online profile contained old pictures, but pictures can’t predict if you will or won’t have a physical attraction. In this instance, I didn’t.

Anyway, he arrived a few minutes before I did and was already more than halfway through his first beer by the time I sat down. I had plans to go out later in the evening to celebrate New Year’s Eve and didn’t feel like drinking. I ordered water and a soda instead. Not very “sophisticated,” but as you will learn sophistication wasn’t needed.

I can’t recall what we talked about, do clearly remember how he would spit while talking and a facial twitch. (Luckily, I dodge the spit and the twitch wasn’t contagious.) I was barely present mentally as he ordered beer #2, #3 and #4. (Let me clarify I wasn’t out with a 20-or 30-something guy. This man was in his late 40s and had a “professional” career.)

I sat thinking of how to gracefully exit, but my verbal abilities and backbone were very weak this particular day. After an hour I finally spoke up and said I needed to leave and get ready for my evening plans.

There was no doubt as I left this was not a good match. I was sure within 15 minutes of meeting. In fact, there were so many red flags it was like a bat cave going off in my head.

The next day I received an email from this guy thanking me for my time but saying we weren’t a good match because I couldn’t keep up with his drinking. What???? Really???? Here I was thinking his level of drinking might be a sign of alcoholism; but no, it’s me.

To “Happy Hour Guy” … thank you for taking the initiative. Thank you for being so comfortable with your addiction you didn’t hide or temper your drinking. Good luck with your search and your liver.

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I’ve made no secret of my awkwardness in dating. There are times I have no idea how to respond; especially when it comes to the goodnight kiss – or even the mid-date kiss!

New Year’s Eve was a fun but mellow night. I went out on a group event and ended up talking with an older man for most of the evening – we were seated next to one another during dinner and just fell into conversation. The rest of the evening, the guy seemed to follow me around. He was a nice guy, but not really my type physically or even personality-wise.

Anyways, he tried to kiss me at midnight and I instead turned it into a peck and a hug. He was definitely going in for an open-mouth kiss and it was awkward for a bit. At the end of the evening he again tried for a kiss. I was more caught by surprise this time and ended up giving him two pecks … After the first peck he was still right there in my face’ I didn’t know what to do and so the second peck resulted.

I almost feel the double-peck is misleading and conveys a sense of interest even when there is none. Obviously, the peck isn’t as misleading as a full open-mouth kiss. I just didn’t know what to do – he was literally right in my face and not pulling back. (Kudos for his confidence, but respect my personal space.)

Even when I can tell my date is going to go in for a kiss I can react awkwardly. Other times I don’t and can smoothly turn and offer “the cheek”. I think this is partly because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Maybe I should practice the hair tousle or top-of-the-head pat.

I’m curious how others react and respond to the goodnight kiss and other attempts before the end of the evening.

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