Ever have the experience where you’re dating someone and are enjoying it only to hit a plateau and wonder what the hell you are doing and why? I typically hit this point three weeks into a relationship … typically. I’m dating someone who lives a few hours from me and I think the distance between us, and the limited time spent together, delayed the blah.
For those who don’t know or understand what the blah is, it is a pivotal phase where I figure out if the effort invested in dating someone is worth it. I will do pro and con comparisons and even look for issues and characteristics I don’t like. (Sometimes the thought process is much less logical.) It’s almost as though I am looking for a reason to not like the person.
The blah doesn’t last long as the relationship fizzles or I decide to suck it up and continue in the relationship. Continuing in the relationship doesn’t mean I resolve to become highly involved with the other person or enter a committed relationship. Instead, it’s knowing what my needs/wants are and recognizing there’ good and bad associated with dating anyone.
This leads me to another question I struggle with … when are you settling versus recognizing when a behavior, characteristic or whatever isn’t as important as you thought it was?
This is a great post—I think a lot of us don’t give people much of a chance when it comes to dating, so it’s good you are questioning your motivations. Good point also in that there is good and bad in everyone.
In answer to your question, I think you settle when you know the person isn’t right for you and you continue to date him/her anyway.